Do you have a crush?

Hola,

PS: Please avoid reading this if you feel like a ‘Sanskari Bahu’, a ‘20th Century Patriarch’ or if you are my family member! 

Crush as defined by google is a brief infatuation on somebody (usually not attainable). Is it ok to have a crush outside your existing relationship? 

The search for this question revealed some very surprising yet shocking results. I threw this question open to a varied demographic audience (all my friends of course)  and got some shocking responses. While most of the GenY thought that it was perfectly fine, I had that ‘are you crazy’ kind of reaction from a few Millenials! Friends staying inside the country were a lot more open to the idea of such harmless crushes in life than outside India. But why? It was time for research.

Generally, the motive of somebody having a crush is tainted upon the fact that they are trying to fill something lacking in their existing relationship. This is necessarily not the case. It’s a simple work of the heart, some oxytocin and visual signal to the brains. A normal human emotion has been made into a guilt trip by our social norms. We have been taught to share certain things only in matrimony or with members of the same gender. If not, it becomes a blunder. 

Do you know that research states that 70-80% of people in successful relationships have such harmless crushes and quite a few of them share it with their partners too! If something is shareable all the more harmless it gets. But, if you have something to hide, sorry - can’t help you there! 

I just hope I don get calls from my friends for getting these thoughts on to their partners heads. As for me, if you have read all this long and you really want to know if I am crushing on somebody - my blog’s name and headline will help you figure it out! 

Use your heart and crush away you guys!! Guilt free & Happy! 

Cheers

Mixed Bag of 2017

Melange of experiences, emotions and expressions. That was 2017 for me in short! This year has taught me a lot which the past 30 years haven't. Sometimes things just fall on your lap, while sometimes I did learn it the hard way too!

This post is gonna be about my learning based on observations and experiences. I promise it wont be a rant and it is not exclusive either! In fact, a few of these pointers are going to make you go - 'Ah! I have been there too!'

• Value Today & Everyday - This year started with my mom bouncing back in style out of a major illness. The whole traumatic episode that lasted 6-8 months taught me (in fact my mom did) to believe that every day was valuable. What if there is no tomorrow? You never know! So enjoy every day and never procrastinate anything! 

• Judge & be Judged - My previous post here will talk in detail about this. Cut the 'voices in your head' about every person you see. Fear less being the victim of the ‘voice in their head’. All that matters is 'YOU'

• Fight or Flight - When there is a problem everyone reacts in one of these 2 ways. There is no middle path mind you! You either stand there and fight or you just run from that place 'as fast as you can'. You will have 'voices in others head' calling you a coward if you choose 'flight', but believe me those same voices will call you an 'arrogant b****' when you choose 'fight'. Just do what is good for you! There is no right or wrong here. 

• Politics & You - You can keep saying that you work in a corporate to 'learn, grow and change the world' but there is one thing you can never evade from, Politics. You are either the 'Super-power', the 'Politician', the 'by-stander' or the 'victim'. Choose where you be. (PS: I can hear you all say 'Oh Yeah!' through my phone) 

• Eat Clean! Get Fit! - From being an explorer of all the diets and weight loss methods in the world, I have finally found my right path. A fitness method I love, trainers who get the best out of me, and the concept of 'Clean Eating' without guilt. Just hope this continues in 2018. 

• Collaborative Parenting - There are many theories around this. 'Don't let the child choose, what do they know and a lot more'. But I have broken it, at least in my home. Giving the child the right to decide what she wants to do, where she wants to be, has helped me so much. Empowering her has empowered me as a parent. Rather than being directional, we talk and decide what we want to do together. She exactly knows what she wants. She is just 'Three' years old!

• Age is no bar - I have come into terms of this fact that age is no bar. I hang out so much with my SiL who is much younger and one of my best friends who is much older! I am completely at peace with both of them equally! I have had few of my most happiest moments and shared few of my darkest secrets with them. 

• Click here to read - Re-Igniting Romance - A blog post written by me 4 years ago on how couples need to work on their partnership post kids. I can truly say, I followed this and a lot more for the last 3 years, making me 'I practise what I preach' kinda person. (I am just hoping my partner doesn't read this!Lol!) 

Gyan time over! You may now get back to partying hard and welcoming 2018 in style! Let's all look forward to what's in store.  

As for me, I am getting back to my Family party infused with some yummy South Indian food, Karaoke night, Bhajans, and hopefully a drive if none of us feel sleepy! 

Cheers 

Judge and Be Judged!

It is sometimes very funny to see how I try and get back to writing posts and then lose it again. But I did discover one clear pattern. I write in phases of life where there is extreme happiness or something lacking. (Now am not gonna say what phase my life is in, it is for you to ‘JUDGE’)

You might wonder - why capitals on that word alone. Well yeah! That’s what this post is about. So, as per ‘F.R.I.E.N.D.S, Turning 30 should give me some enlightenment right? sharing one such enlightenment here.

As someone who facilitates and is pretty active in the Inclusion initiatives at work and outside, I do get the privilege to actually preach what I don’t practice. It is not that I have anything against practising it, but it just doesn’t come naturally. That’s who we are and how we are grown.  In a society where being judgemental and biased(most of the time unconsciously)  is ‘the thing’.

Someone with an expensive watch, car or anything - the mind will immediately say- who knows what he/she did to get there? Look at a fit sexy looking middle aged woman - ‘she spends all the time on herself and not with children’. These are ‘voices in the head’ that have been ingrained in us forever. But why? I keep wondering.

If this mind voice is not enough, let’s take it to the next level. Assumptions and expectations - ‘I received no text may be that person doesn care.’ ‘I wanna meet that person but what if he/she gets a wrong signal?’

STOP THIS - screams the heart. Why can’t it be lot less complicated. Why can’t we just be honest with each other? Why? Cause we all have the fear of being judged! We fear being the victim of the  ‘voice in their head’

But ya! I try a lot to break this pattern and slowly get a step closer to being open, non judgemental and inclusive. You should try it too. Shut the voice in your head and if possible others too.

Now - Please turn off the ‘voice in your head’ that says ‘What’s with aishu? Something has happened to her! You will never know, my friend.

Cheers 

Wearing you is the best thing that happened to me!

What's inspired me to really hit your timeline now after 2years ? An awesome pregnancy? A relaxing maternity? A trotting toddler? 

There has been something that has made all these extremely enjoyable! For those who follow me on Facebook, you know I am an avid Babywearer! 

Wearing a? 'Dress thaane potupa? Athu Enna Babywearing?' Says my dearest aunt! From struggling to explain this to her and every person that I am not jailing/tying my child to making people feel how beneficial this is - been there done that! 

So thanks to my friend who picked up a non-ergo carrier for me(obviously he din know). Neither did I know and I used it twice. The discomfort made me think if it was right. 

That time of life - I would exploration phase where Facebook seemed useful and necessary! 

It was so hard to choose where to begin but now it's too hard the stop! Starting off with a ringsling to use for a family wedding I have now landed up with Buckled carriers and exploring wraps has become the way of life. I look forward to meeting moms with similar thoughts every month and look forward to teaching people the little wearing that I know.I have become this one excited mom who is too excited to wear the baby and go out!

What started as a practical solution to carrying has now become an obsession. those beautiful designs from soul sling has made  people turn atleast once 

Today, anywhere I walk I have all the eyes on me out of curiousty, admiration, jealousy and a lot more! 

I have tried everything safe wearing my baby starting cooking, dancing, shopping, walking, eating and every other ...ing! Always felt that this is one of the best things that happened in my life! 

So where is the dad here? The dad is a rock star Babywearer who wears her all the time! Daddy and dotty have the best times together.

My MiL is so supportive of this that she uses a buckled carrier for her daily walk! 

So you might say! How is all the gyan enjoyable. Enjoyable because, it never makes me feel tired, a baby never stops me from exploring what I want to do! She is always my little buddy behind my back! I would recommend everyone tries Babywearing atleast once. There will be no looking back! 

Happy Parents Happy baby is the way of life! You wanna experience it too - head to babywearingindia and into a world of enjoyable parenting! 

Cheers 

Madras Nalla Madras!!

At that time when I really decided to keep away from writing on filter kapi and Hindu Crossword which every other person is writing on, it was hard for someone for me to really keep shut!
Hence, I went on this search for a word that describes what Madras does to me. Got it! Feelings(Vasool raja style). I still don seem to be calling it Chennai, may be that's the amount of feelings i have towards the city that shared my life!
I have not been to my fair share of cities to say mine is the best. It is also fair for my  friends in other cities to call their city the greatest, but machan mine is 'Madras' it is an adjective of its own.
While all of them complain that Madras is conservative so slow in adapting to other cultures, tell me one thing which is not in Madras from the below!
Temples to theatre!
Culture to Club!
Dance to Disco!
Pongal to Pub!
Sarees to Shorts!
Sambar to Shots!
Madras has it all! To the right level and mix!
As I was driving this morning on the most crowded Mount Road and when I hear Ilayaraja's and Rahman's best running on the radio, that's what is Madras. Contrasts! Starting from Mylapore Mornings to Napier nights the city offers its beautiful best everytime you go around exploring her.
 The moment I just drive into the city from a vacation from may be some cold place and land up at Saravana Bhavan I realize I don need a menu card! Its all about sambar! Winding up there, I get at the car at home thinking, how i missed sweating and the heat. Life is faster when its Hot!!
The time when you are suddenly up on a Tuesday night cracking through the Satyam Cinemas website to make it to the first weekend for a movie.. My husband always says this is a perception problem that i don even consider other theatres.  But Madras is Satyam Cinemas and Butter Popcorn!
While my endless rants of Madras might jus go on and on! I would just like to retire to bed, closing my eyes to the best of Ilayaraja reminiscing about my city of dreams!
Cheers! 

Do you hear it too??

Nowadays, I seem to spend a lot more time on the road, than earlier, thanks to the distance between home and work! Making this entire drive interesting is our FM radio stations of Chennai.

They subject you to all the international chartbusters with award winning lyrics. An example would be 'Mascara pottu mayakiriye, mastana pesi kalakuriye'. Wow.. And when u try changing channels which are of course in plenty, you hear things like 'Oru Karapanboochi Polae Enna Kavuthupotale'.

At this juncture, my music control buttons on the steering wheel are in utter pain due to my frustration.

Where I finally land on one of my favorite channels where the RJ is pretty decent, and then he opens his mouth to talk about some vague topic like, 'uh don Mind.. Its that vague' and just goes on about it.. Here you know, to become an RJ, all you need is these things..

• Quite a horrible voice and some weird accent
• Un-understandable Tamil and English
• Talent to repeat the same thing 20 times back to back by changing words like is, was, and, it etc
• Real bad sense of humour
• And ofcourse, a bad line up,of songs.,

All these planned set of attempts to kill your morning are interspersed with unbelievable set of advertisements.

Thus, the morning drive comes to an end, when u almost reach work, there is this one nice song somewhere in some channel, but you need ta park and leave!!

While i do have the choice to still switch to some music on my phone, there is this compulsive behavior, to still browse these 10 channels in the desire of finding that one good song which you might feel like hearing. Am sure all of you experience this too.
Am not blaming every person here, there are good RJs who do a great job, few nice shows in the night who play nice songs and all. Still, there remains this obnoxiously bad package of shows making us feel that this medium of communication is crap! While it is really something which reaches so many people.. The entire traffic on the road am sure are browsing through the same way as I am.
Looking for that one good song, one good piece of news, or that one good talk by an RJ.. They are still looking...
Cheers

Few hours, a plenty memories!

'Rail Snehidam' I've always heard my aunt use this word when I was a kid referring to any passing quick ending relationships. Also, we ve seen our cinema industry constantly focussing on train relationships, I ve always wondered, how could a few hours with a stranger make any difference.
Today, most probably my last alone train journey for a lot more months, I reflect on these 10 months of my weekly bangalore train travel.
These people who I've met, might not be in touch but will always stay in the mind. These train journeys made me rekindle my writing spirit. These people have featured in my blog as experiences, memories or characters who inspired me. Be it the loving old couple who blessed me a great life, a chic aunty who discussed feminism with me, the busy businessman who I shared a movie on the laptop with, the young chap resembling my brother saying 'bye akka', the 'Thatha who spoke the best English I ve heard in days, and ya, the TTRs who gave me a recognizing smile! All these people have made my, if not strenuous travel, really pleasant!
These journeys have taught me so much patience, adjustment, silence, and the thing that 'I can stay without my cellphone signal and WhatsApp for a few hours, my head won't break'!!
Not to forget the best, booking shortcuts for railway tickets online.. 'Talk to the Expert'
Cheers

Love... Ageless..

I ve always wanted to write about it. Adult Love. Now, am not calling most of us in our 20s and 30s adults here. We are still in PDA(Public Display of Affection) mode in our life!

Observing behavior has now become my favorite hobby. I meet couples in train who are too old to lift their own bags! But he always protect his wife from carrying those bags, so sweetly saying its ok to her while she just goes behind him trying to atleast have her hand on one handle of the bag and feels that she has accomplished in helping her man.

My husband always talks about his 'Guru' who during their pilgrimage trips used to trek Sabarimala slowly with his wife and they used to hold each other all the way atop the hill at the age of 80! That's what we call Love. Love that has seen everything living in a joint family, in laws issues, financial crisis, child and difficulties and still has made the most of their happiness!. Making fun, laughing at weaknesses, and the romance is so subtle but you feel love and positivity in the air! Makes us wonder how ageless love can be!

While I was thinking about all these things, I came across this movie - Pannayarum Padminiyum. A totally under hyped movie that really should be a flag bearer in Tamil Cinema. A movie that broke all boundaries of the regular formula followed. A man who tried to impress his wife by trying to learn driving and the woman who wanted to experience going with her husband in the car with pride. The bond showed in the movie got tears in many eyes, including mine in the cinema hall making us wish to have such a love story to say!

The basis of this I always feel is going  through all the peaks and troughs together in life with a positive attitude. In short, fighting and freaking together!

Will I ever get to being there. Only time will say!!

Cheers
 

Hampi - Overrated or Underknowledged!

My February this year started with a trip Hampi, a historic place in northern Karnataka, earlier the Vijayanagara kingdom. As every traveller would do, I read a few reviews, asked around people and browsed through photographs a week before my husband and I were to land up in “The Abode”(as described by websites. If you wonder that the previous line sounds sarcastic – Yes, it is!
Hampi to my eye was nothing more than overrated historic ruins that have been made outrageously famous because the research was conducted by non-Indians. This line might provoke a ‘What? – Aishwarya is so tasteless’ feeling, but trust me, until you reach that place, you would never realize that it is nothing close to what has been described or photographed.
So, the culprit was me who pushed my husband to plan the trip. Whilst I enjoyed the trip, my stay and all that, I still wonder, what did I come back with? We initially saw a photo library full of the most beautiful pictures with awesome lighting and angles. Kudos to the photographer! We went and found that, the spot looked nowhere close to what we saw. Yes, photographs deceive.
Monuments open only form 9am – 5pm, when its sunny in an area full of rocks and sand, all you feel while travelling are heat waves on you. After walking and scaling the stairs and rocks of those completely unmaintained monuments you walk out to find a small shop in the corner selling water for Rs.50. (You have no choice). And place after place which includes things like Queens Bath, Market and all that looks the same – deserted and ruined.
It wouldn look good if I don credit a few places that had excellent art work like a stepped tank, some chariot and a Rama temple, but it still remains unbelievable to me as to how this place has gained great popularity. Being a Madrasi, I would say going to Mahabalipuram is a much beautiful experience where enough refreshments, shelters and shades make your visit comfortable.
I wouldn discount the entire experience as my taste lies more towards beaches and islands and maybe it is my under knowledge that makes me write this. But that doesn’t take away the fact that Hampi is a completely overrated spot. My suggestion – do not stay for more than a day and a half. Rather spend your time in Bangalore - Shopping!!

Success is a 'relative term'

Success is always a relative term” said the old and wise or may be that is what I have been told to believe. But never have I seen it in practice.
Like how in the movie 3 Idiots – when a baby is born people stare inside the cradle saying “he will make a successful Chartered Accountant like his father and take over the family business”. By the way, does the baby have any idea of what you are saying? He/she is forced to grow listening to sermons of different definitions of what success really means, by the time he realizes, he/she is so confused.
That’s when he/she wonders – “What is successful”? Is being a DJ at a 5 star hotel not successful? Is being a copyrighter at an ad company dumb? This phenomenon is purely because of those pages of definitions.
Success in the family is defines as any of these or being ‘like’ any of these –
·         Being a doctor at Apollo Hospital
·         BE to ‘Some Big Named’ University followed by MS in the US
·         Settling in the US in Intel or IBM(which 100000 other people are too!!)
·         Being in Timbuktu as some programmer (Timbuktu is outside India! Come on!)
·         Phd from IIT(that could be in some subject you might have no idea what it is)
·         HR in one company(They have no idea of reality)
·         Business – Preferable Legacy
·         Married to someone of any of the above categories(Girls – it is so easy to be successful)
·         And this list just goes on!!
oh! I forgot, successful people own apartments!
This is the typical Indian mentality, where if you don’t fall under these categories, either you are told - you are unsuccessful or you need to work on falling into these categories. I am no exception to having heard these sermons, though I am a firm believer of my first statement. Pressures become so high when there is a choiceless situation too! 
While I ve always thought everyone who is happy with their life, happy with where they are today and who love what they are doing are successful. They have it all right – work, money, family, contentment! But most of them that way are shunned for being non-ambitious, in-turn unsuccessful and non-respectable in the society. The society – no one knows is just a group of over-bearing, exaggerating, set of people who are saying just the right things in their lives (That is what we do too!).
For those who love what you do – continue doing it. You will always remain the most successful and happy! In mind, heart and soul! Success is always a relative term!!
Cheers