Thursday, October 24, 2013

Re-igniting Romance(post kids)

Though I am yet to experience whatever I am writing here. I would like to surely try what i write and not make it yet another article.
While catching up with a set of close friends(read:now parents of my little darling friends), my friend jokingly commented to his wife "I know we have a baby, but you know what people do if they don get food at home, they go to the hotel" Knowing my friend for years, i completely knew he was joking. But that triggered my thoughts on re-kindling romance post kids. Especially if you have a partner you know long enough to miss each others company. It makes it all the more mandatory to re-kindle the relationship, is it not?
A famous stand up comedian says "a woman's brain is like an interconnected electronic circuit. It jus goes zzzzzzz"
We are the 'XY' chromosomes who keep juggling with things of  mind. Like for example..
"What do i cook?
What i do for the baby?
Need to complete this at work..
Mom said something, right i need to do that..
I need to call for grocery
Oh! I need to clean that draw"

Between all this, we forget one thing major! Their Man.
That's the point. While all the focus goes on the new arrival in the family, family starts to fall apart. While women get so worked up on this, men start working harder just to make up with their boredom.
As a truly loving couple, all they face is growing distance and a dire need to come back. They might even express it to each other, but one needs to really take the effort to get back together!
May be a few small things from picking my little brain i thought could be..
Ordering dinner - Setting up the table at home, candle lit and have a dinner catching up on things
Watching Movie - watching some old time favorite, holding each others hands
Coffee - Sip morning coffee together in the portico/balcony and talk about the day
Dessert - A cake or milkshake together at night after putting the baby to sleep
Walk the Talk - a long walk with the stroller where the kid might also nap in the stroller while you guys get to catch up and talk
At times, I even feel they should leave kids with grandparents and go shopping or so together. A good break helps. A lot lesser frustration and a lot more romance.
Also, research states that for couples who do not get back in 4-6 months post kid, their relationships, their romances suffer.   As we all know, romance might lead to eventually a lot other things that you might have enjoyed doing together in the past too! Giving a u perfect opportunity to be friends again and and great parents.
So! Let love be in the air...
Cheers

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Mini Communities in Multicultural Environment

Disclaimer: This post is strictly not against the Tam Brahm cultures or ways – Just that I picked this up as an example being a Tam Brahm myself and knowing the culture at the back of my head. This is applicable to every other community in the country.
Please note that this post might also have quite a bit of Tamil(Brahmin style) – Translations given

NamakaramVaango,  Enna panrel.. Inniku aathula enna samayal?
(Translate: Greetings, please come, what’s up, whats cooking at home today)

These are the words one normally hears in a typical Tam Brahm household. To be even more precise a household who are still living in reminisces of the 60’s. Those who think “God is God, rituals are bigger than god, and customs & culture– meant to be followed, the way it is convenient to them, yet claiming it to be the right way” (Ithu thaan vazhakkam). But looks like these days, business meetings and corporate environment hear such words too
Now here, we pause to talk about the kind of people who behave a certain way – just to ‘show off’ their community.

One fine morning at work, when I was engrossed on a presentation, I heard conversations that I would normally expect to hear at home or may be a wedding or even a temple. Looking up to see that, they were colleagues of mine, belonging to the same community.

In the past, I had always wondered, why do they punish me at school when I use vernacular languages, why was I pushed to talk only English all the time at college. Though I was convinced to do it to adapt to an international working environment, it came as a surprise to me when I heard such lingo. But then, where was international here? If I could talk the way I could talk to my athai and paati (aunt and grandmom) at home, why did I struggle to read and write Shakespeare?

As these thoughts ran through my mind I just realized – People did it for sheer ‘show-off’. Were these people true to the values of the community? Do they follow every ritual? Definitely NO, though they might claim to do. People who din talk the same way were shunned, made fun off or even singledout. For example, in Chennai,if someone spoke in Hindi – immediately they get snapped saying ‘Switch of that Zee Tv’! Am sure, same is the case in rest of India too. The evolution of these 'Mini communities in a multi cultural' environment are a huge bane to workspace. In many cases, where conversations are non-understandable, people are judged by language, huge mockery during meetings and moreover ganging up against other communities are a few of the visible disadvantages. 

Greeting people like they were your Uncle/Aunt, using peculiar accent to talk at work environment, I feel is a major disgrace to the community. While usage of this language is completely permitted in a closed circuit, it is inappropriate to be using such lingo in a business meeting with vaango/pongo (tambrahm lingo).

Doing a deep dive of why they use it, obviously when they know English – Looks like bonding, mingling or at times even icing. Talking a particular way makes people judgemental towards you – positive and negative. Though mostly it is manipulated by the person to bring in a positive outcome(you know what I mean). Certain people use it as advantage to get where they want too.
These behaviours in fact brand people too ! These Marwaris are like that, these Bengalis like this, this Brahmins like this (no offence meant).

While most of other countries, international environments, never encounter these issues, mentions my friend from Australia. In fact, there are not permitted to ask you for your gender, community or even religious preferences. Leaves me with the question, “Then Why Us?"
Clueless, answerless and branded as ‘Talking Nonsense’(“Unnaku paithyam pudichurthu di) by my mom – I still continue to question and will continue to question too!!

Thursday, October 3, 2013

The Super 'Grandmom'


The times when being with family was the way of life and "Grandmom" was 'the life' at home are the times my dad was born. Family here means a lot more with 20 people under one roof!

A lot of our dinner-table and tea-time conversations revolve around his Grandmom who my dad can't stop talking about. This article is an excerpt of those conversations and his ramblings about this woman who an epitome of 'self-made' 'self taught' and of course Love !! 

While these days most of us talk a lot about Woman Empowerment, Feminism even when there are opportunities and avenues, she, my dad describes was beyond sheer empowerment in times when women were meant for the kitchen.

Hailing from this well respected Brahmin Clan living in an ancestral palatial home in the temple town of Kumbakonam, all the family went through was bad career decisions by the men, fear of sustanence and a lot more downfalls. The time when 'Kunjani Paati' the nine-yard clad, olden day women rose up to the occassion and turned the life heaven for everyone around her, including his mother and his sister whose marriage lives had turned into unfortunate experiences. Giving her five daughters and granddaughters the best weddings, the grandsons education and of course excellent food for this family of 20 and guests unlimited! My dad still tells me in wonder 
"Is it even possible for a woman to be so selfless, unflappable and shoulder such responsibilities with such limited resources?"

Today when my mom makes mor kali, a south indian delicacy one can see my dad indulge and immediately and describe his Grandmom. 
Even at those times of manual grinders this strong woman used to make batter for dosas all by herself to feed a huge hungry family. When the kids including my dad passed the kitchen, she used to call out to them and proclaim "neengelaam 20 suthu suthina, aaluku 2 dosa!" Meaning - "Grind for 2 mins to earn your 2 extra dosas" and all of them used to religiously help her for it, laughs my dad!

Once, my dad recalls, she developed an ailment, and the strong woman she was, came all alone to Madras for treatment. She called her grandsons to come too, not to help, but for sight seeing! When we cringe to read the papers today, she never left a moment empty and was up to date in news, be it politics or current affairs - a mini 'infopedia'. 

While I have never lived with her or even seen her, my dad describes her so vividly that i feel like she lives along !! He reflects on her thoughts of discipline, empowerment and importance of education, while she saw him proudly graduate. Attributing his career to her push, he says with pride that his 10th grade educated grandmom did everything she could to get him to study to make him in his career. 

Now, as times change, morales and disciplines change and when women are almost treated equally with men,  this one woman is already a benchmark 50 years ago. 

Strong yet Selfless!Brave & Bold!Responsible yet Resilient!Commanding yet Compassionate!Humble yet Proud!

As I reflect on these nostalgic reminisces of my dad, I recognise where he got his respectful attitude to a woman from.  May be that is the quality what my dad looks up to in my mom ! Maybe that's what my dad aspires me to be! An embodiment of love, affection, social consciousness, fortitude, frugality, liberty and a lot more! 

Now.. Today.. Each one of them in her family feel proud to say that they belong to the legacy created by That Woman!! The Mother of all Grandmoms!! 

Cheers 

Romance is....

People who speak to me know that I do keep coming back to this topic pretty often cause it is very close to my heart! Romance always is! ...