Romance is....

People who speak to me know that I do keep coming back to this topic pretty often cause it is very close to my heart! Romance always is!

Currently, romance is such an abused term. With movies classifying shoddy sex as romance, songs with derogatory lyrics being romantic chartbusters, the good old romance is really forgotten. Most people have started to believe that romance is unrealistic and being romantic is like 'a requirement'  to be together! It is so not true. There is no need for a kiss on the lips or peck on the cheek either! If there is romance is in the heart, it will display itself in one way or the other! 

Romance is.... 

• A simple 'good morning' from your love that gives a headstart to your day. 
• Listening to the same song 500 miles away and enjoying the same few lines! 
• The same spark in your eyes when you see your love of 40-odd years
• Laughing till it hurts over something silly and non-understandable to anybody outside! 
• A hug that is your biggest mood uplifter ever!
• Long coffee chats forgetting where you started! 
• Sinking back into music that reminds you of moments shared together! 
• Sharing the same simplest things of your day, today and everyday! 
• Experimenting something new, failing and not being judged! 
• Understanding the other's mind without elaborate explanations! 
• Shared Randomness, wandering thoughts and aimless drives! 
• Deep Conversations about the future ending in a tub full of ice-cream!

 Love is expansive so is romance! Figure it out. Experience to know it! 

Cheers!


PS :I just noticed this is my 100th post! Yeee to me! 

Let go what was....

How many of us really try to break the pattern or routine? 

I wouldn’t call myself a great risk taker, though it’s possible that I might do a few things that seem really random to the world. 

A few months ago, a huge impending restlessness resurfaced in me.

Respecting restlessness will risk you breaking the routine is something all of us believe. While I spent months in denial, visions of the inconsistency between ‘what was’ and ‘what it is supposed to be’ caused a constant itch to follow my intuition. Eventually, the decision happened. 

When we conclude on something we are either taking a call on our own or there are some external forces that contribute in pushing us conclude. Everything happens for a reason. Good or bad, be thankful to that force. 

In between all the stares, questions, my lack of answers, frustration for choosing flight, lack of ability to fight was this beautiful halo! Happiness! I did realise that my mind was trying to support me through every decision I made.Blame your head or the supreme power, I started appreciating my courage and strength to stand up for myself. Giving myself the time and space to soak in this whole new decision of quitting corporate was something I had never done before. There will always be firsts! 

The Brief Break was here. Be it the uptight me loosening up, or a scheduled calendar throwing away her watch I thoroughly started enjoying the mindspace I had. There are always these visions in your mind that you choose to ignore when you are on a rota, trust me, those are the visions that are meant to make you happy. Never ignore them. I pursued those visions religiously and I was surprised to find that opportunities are always available for each one to draw their path. 

We all get caught in the maze of comparing our past at this point in time. 

Would it be financially viable? Would it be practical? What if I fail? and lot such questions cloud us from moving ahead.  The thought clarity and Happiness found in this process will help us navigate through all this fog. 

Philosophy ends, so does my post. Is it a happy ending or a sad ending depends on what you are gonna do with your life! Let go what was... Grab what is supposed to be! 

A Simple rebound can be your biggest Idea

Do you know that many times in life, when our decisions seem really irrational and we feel quite low, there is a possibility that we are jumping into the next big idea of our life.

If you have read this and gone ‘meh’, yes it is ok. It is as vague as it sounds.

As per the economics books, any journey has its own peaks and troughs. This is purely subjective. It is financial for a few, mental for a few more, relationship for many more and so on. At the peak, we will feel like ‘happy birds’ launching ourselves to the sky and beyond. On the contrary, a trough can lead you to so much cynicism in life shunning your ability to see the positives.

When there is a low, the mind starts working like a ‘devil let loose’. A situation I have faced with my head and just reflecting on how am turning it around for me! There is a lot of misery, disappointment, anxiety, fear of future and in few cases even mental depression. It is very sad to see that people need to go through this. They in fact stop taking any risks.

Penning Down a few thoughts based on my experiences on what can we best do... 

It is important for us to think that when there is a dip, anything after that can only be better than that! ‘It is anyway up-hill. So go right into it without fearing the failure. The simple question we can ask our self is ‘What can be worse than the present?’

So once you have made up your mind that anyway it will be better to stop wondering ‘how much better’! This is the exact time of life we need to use the mantra ‘just go with it’. You never know, you might just laugh at your this phase of life in future!

Build on the positivism people around can give you. All you need is a message that states ‘Hope you are feeling better today?’ Being around people who will just listen and not give advice unless asked really helps. You have way too much on your plate to deal with, leave alone those ‘advice toppings’ coming your way.

A low is the best ever opportunity to focus on self and do any necessary course corrections. Be it physical fitness, mental strength, skill development. There is no better time than this to focus on that. The motivation levels are terrific, believe me!

It is possible that a trough can leave you torn where you cease trusting yourself and others. Rather, start doing just the opposite. Trust yourself and others. If somebody is offering you help genuinely, trust their instinct and trust your capability. You will never ever go wrong there.

Certain times, there are people who just ‘like to watch the world burn’! You know who I am talking about. Keep away from the curious cats who are waiting to know what went wrong with your life! Smile and Laugh so hard that your positivity just shoos them away!

I am sure, each one in these stumpy situations will have an idea, that will be an inner passion waiting to be kindled. We most often do not action it due to ‘self-doubt’. I suggest ‘go for it’. So what, if it is a rebound. In most cases, a rebound does turn into one of the best decisions of your life! Remember - You have to do this for you. This is for you. Live for yourself! 

That’s enough gyan for the day! This post is not an essay of self-pity. It is a pure capture of experiences and more! Please do not text me asking if everything is ok with me.

Cheers 

Are you that ‘feminist’ type?

I get asked this question every time I open my mouth to say everybody is equal!

All I know for sure is that people who ask me this question have no idea what that word means! Infact even most of the self confessed feminists do not know what it means. ‘Feminism. Let’s use the word La La La’! But really, what’s the meaning? 

Is feminism smoking, drinking, wearing skimpy attire and walking on the road, saying things like ‘let the man bear the baby’. Noooo! You guys have got it all wrong. Unfortunately Feminism is the most over-used, over-hyped and a wrongly understood word. 

To answer the above question. No, I ain’t a feminist, I am a ‘Gender Equalist’, the someone who truly believes that men require the same amount of rights and flexibility the women get! I do get the point that our society is backed by a huge baggage of patriarchy but do you realize that it is also the  women who have played equal parts in leading our society to such imbalance? Earlier, feminism focused on equal rights for women, equal wages, right to education, right to choosing who you marry and a lot more constructive things. Actually you should read the post ‘The Super Grandmom’ on my blog to know about this iron woman who handled every bit of ten household single handedly at peace. She is the true gender equalist! 

Sometimes I keep wondering in corporate environments, when women actually want to play the gender card to their advantage, they do either of this - cry and emotionally create self pity or protest and create unrest. This is the pure reason why they feel weak in the larger scheme of things. 

Many a times I keep thinking, why can’t we just be equal? Why can’t we just do what we want and move on with it? The moment we think ‘Why can’t we do what he does?’ We have just bench marked ourself with the opposite gender when our physical, genetic and mental schema is so different and landed up in a path which is neither here or there! 

On a parting note my friend - Remember - 

If you are women who speaks the language of feminism but wants to be treated like a queen, doors opened for you and expects the man to pull his wallet out. Sorry my friend. You are nothing more than a confused adult who needs help! 

Think about and read too Guys let’s have an equal environment 

Do you have a crush?

Hola,

PS: Please avoid reading this if you feel like a ‘Sanskari Bahu’, a ‘20th Century Patriarch’ or if you are my family member! 

Crush as defined by google is a brief infatuation on somebody (usually not attainable). Is it ok to have a crush outside your existing relationship? 

The search for this question revealed some very surprising yet shocking results. I threw this question open to a varied demographic audience (all my friends of course)  and got some shocking responses. While most of the GenY thought that it was perfectly fine, I had that ‘are you crazy’ kind of reaction from a few Millenials! Friends staying inside the country were a lot more open to the idea of such harmless crushes in life than outside India. But why? It was time for research.

Generally, the motive of somebody having a crush is tainted upon the fact that they are trying to fill something lacking in their existing relationship. This is necessarily not the case. It’s a simple work of the heart, some oxytocin and visual signal to the brains. A normal human emotion has been made into a guilt trip by our social norms. We have been taught to share certain things only in matrimony or with members of the same gender. If not, it becomes a blunder. 

Do you know that research states that 70-80% of people in successful relationships have such harmless crushes and quite a few of them share it with their partners too! If something is shareable all the more harmless it gets. But, if you have something to hide, sorry - can’t help you there! 

I just hope I don get calls from my friends for getting these thoughts on to their partners heads. As for me, if you have read all this long and you really want to know if I am crushing on somebody - my blog’s name and headline will help you figure it out! 

Use your heart and crush away you guys!! Guilt free & Happy! 

Cheers

Mixed Bag of 2017

Melange of experiences, emotions and expressions. That was 2017 for me in short! This year has taught me a lot which the past 30 years haven't. Sometimes things just fall on your lap, while sometimes I did learn it the hard way too!

This post is gonna be about my learning based on observations and experiences. I promise it wont be a rant and it is not exclusive either! In fact, a few of these pointers are going to make you go - 'Ah! I have been there too!'

• Value Today & Everyday - This year started with my mom bouncing back in style out of a major illness. The whole traumatic episode that lasted 6-8 months taught me (in fact my mom did) to believe that every day was valuable. What if there is no tomorrow? You never know! So enjoy every day and never procrastinate anything! 

• Judge & be Judged - My previous post here will talk in detail about this. Cut the 'voices in your head' about every person you see. Fear less being the victim of the ‘voice in their head’. All that matters is 'YOU'

• Fight or Flight - When there is a problem everyone reacts in one of these 2 ways. There is no middle path mind you! You either stand there and fight or you just run from that place 'as fast as you can'. You will have 'voices in others head' calling you a coward if you choose 'flight', but believe me those same voices will call you an 'arrogant b****' when you choose 'fight'. Just do what is good for you! There is no right or wrong here. 

• Politics & You - You can keep saying that you work in a corporate to 'learn, grow and change the world' but there is one thing you can never evade from, Politics. You are either the 'Super-power', the 'Politician', the 'by-stander' or the 'victim'. Choose where you be. (PS: I can hear you all say 'Oh Yeah!' through my phone) 

• Eat Clean! Get Fit! - From being an explorer of all the diets and weight loss methods in the world, I have finally found my right path. A fitness method I love, trainers who get the best out of me, and the concept of 'Clean Eating' without guilt. Just hope this continues in 2018. 

• Collaborative Parenting - There are many theories around this. 'Don't let the child choose, what do they know and a lot more'. But I have broken it, at least in my home. Giving the child the right to decide what she wants to do, where she wants to be, has helped me so much. Empowering her has empowered me as a parent. Rather than being directional, we talk and decide what we want to do together. She exactly knows what she wants. She is just 'Three' years old!

• Age is no bar - I have come into terms of this fact that age is no bar. I hang out so much with my SiL who is much younger and one of my best friends who is much older! I am completely at peace with both of them equally! I have had few of my most happiest moments and shared few of my darkest secrets with them. 

• Click here to read - Re-Igniting Romance - A blog post written by me 4 years ago on how couples need to work on their partnership post kids. I can truly say, I followed this and a lot more for the last 3 years, making me 'I practise what I preach' kinda person. (I am just hoping my partner doesn't read this!Lol!) 

Gyan time over! You may now get back to partying hard and welcoming 2018 in style! Let's all look forward to what's in store.  

As for me, I am getting back to my Family party infused with some yummy South Indian food, Karaoke night, Bhajans, and hopefully a drive if none of us feel sleepy! 

Cheers 

Judge and Be Judged!

It is sometimes very funny to see how I try and get back to writing posts and then lose it again. But I did discover one clear pattern. I write in phases of life where there is extreme happiness or something lacking. (Now am not gonna say what phase my life is in, it is for you to ‘JUDGE’)

You might wonder - why capitals on that word alone. Well yeah! That’s what this post is about. So, as per ‘F.R.I.E.N.D.S, Turning 30 should give me some enlightenment right? sharing one such enlightenment here.

As someone who facilitates and is pretty active in the Inclusion initiatives at work and outside, I do get the privilege to actually preach what I don’t practice. It is not that I have anything against practising it, but it just doesn’t come naturally. That’s who we are and how we are grown.  In a society where being judgemental and biased(most of the time unconsciously)  is ‘the thing’.

Someone with an expensive watch, car or anything - the mind will immediately say- who knows what he/she did to get there? Look at a fit sexy looking middle aged woman - ‘she spends all the time on herself and not with children’. These are ‘voices in the head’ that have been ingrained in us forever. But why? I keep wondering.

If this mind voice is not enough, let’s take it to the next level. Assumptions and expectations - ‘I received no text may be that person doesn care.’ ‘I wanna meet that person but what if he/she gets a wrong signal?’

STOP THIS - screams the heart. Why can’t it be lot less complicated. Why can’t we just be honest with each other? Why? Cause we all have the fear of being judged! We fear being the victim of the  ‘voice in their head’

But ya! I try a lot to break this pattern and slowly get a step closer to being open, non judgemental and inclusive. You should try it too. Shut the voice in your head and if possible others too.

Now - Please turn off the ‘voice in your head’ that says ‘What’s with aishu? Something has happened to her! You will never know, my friend.

Cheers 

Wearing you is the best thing that happened to me!

What's inspired me to really hit your timeline now after 2years ? An awesome pregnancy? A relaxing maternity? A trotting toddler? 

There has been something that has made all these extremely enjoyable! For those who follow me on Facebook, you know I am an avid Babywearer! 

Wearing a? 'Dress thaane potupa? Athu Enna Babywearing?' Says my dearest aunt! From struggling to explain this to her and every person that I am not jailing/tying my child to making people feel how beneficial this is - been there done that! 

So thanks to my friend who picked up a non-ergo carrier for me(obviously he din know). Neither did I know and I used it twice. The discomfort made me think if it was right. 

That time of life - I would exploration phase where Facebook seemed useful and necessary! 

It was so hard to choose where to begin but now it's too hard the stop! Starting off with a ringsling to use for a family wedding I have now landed up with Buckled carriers and exploring wraps has become the way of life. I look forward to meeting moms with similar thoughts every month and look forward to teaching people the little wearing that I know.I have become this one excited mom who is too excited to wear the baby and go out!

What started as a practical solution to carrying has now become an obsession. those beautiful designs from soul sling has made  people turn atleast once 

Today, anywhere I walk I have all the eyes on me out of curiousty, admiration, jealousy and a lot more! 

I have tried everything safe wearing my baby starting cooking, dancing, shopping, walking, eating and every other ...ing! Always felt that this is one of the best things that happened in my life! 

So where is the dad here? The dad is a rock star Babywearer who wears her all the time! Daddy and dotty have the best times together.

My MiL is so supportive of this that she uses a buckled carrier for her daily walk! 

So you might say! How is all the gyan enjoyable. Enjoyable because, it never makes me feel tired, a baby never stops me from exploring what I want to do! She is always my little buddy behind my back! I would recommend everyone tries Babywearing atleast once. There will be no looking back! 

Happy Parents Happy baby is the way of life! You wanna experience it too - head to babywearingindia and into a world of enjoyable parenting! 

Cheers 

Madras Nalla Madras!!

At that time when I really decided to keep away from writing on filter kapi and Hindu Crossword which every other person is writing on, it was hard for someone for me to really keep shut!
Hence, I went on this search for a word that describes what Madras does to me. Got it! Feelings(Vasool raja style). I still don seem to be calling it Chennai, may be that's the amount of feelings i have towards the city that shared my life!
I have not been to my fair share of cities to say mine is the best. It is also fair for my  friends in other cities to call their city the greatest, but machan mine is 'Madras' it is an adjective of its own.
While all of them complain that Madras is conservative so slow in adapting to other cultures, tell me one thing which is not in Madras from the below!
Temples to theatre!
Culture to Club!
Dance to Disco!
Pongal to Pub!
Sarees to Shorts!
Sambar to Shots!
Madras has it all! To the right level and mix!
As I was driving this morning on the most crowded Mount Road and when I hear Ilayaraja's and Rahman's best running on the radio, that's what is Madras. Contrasts! Starting from Mylapore Mornings to Napier nights the city offers its beautiful best everytime you go around exploring her.
 The moment I just drive into the city from a vacation from may be some cold place and land up at Saravana Bhavan I realize I don need a menu card! Its all about sambar! Winding up there, I get at the car at home thinking, how i missed sweating and the heat. Life is faster when its Hot!!
The time when you are suddenly up on a Tuesday night cracking through the Satyam Cinemas website to make it to the first weekend for a movie.. My husband always says this is a perception problem that i don even consider other theatres.  But Madras is Satyam Cinemas and Butter Popcorn!
While my endless rants of Madras might jus go on and on! I would just like to retire to bed, closing my eyes to the best of Ilayaraja reminiscing about my city of dreams!
Cheers! 

Do you hear it too??

Nowadays, I seem to spend a lot more time on the road, than earlier, thanks to the distance between home and work! Making this entire drive interesting is our FM radio stations of Chennai.

They subject you to all the international chartbusters with award winning lyrics. An example would be 'Mascara pottu mayakiriye, mastana pesi kalakuriye'. Wow.. And when u try changing channels which are of course in plenty, you hear things like 'Oru Karapanboochi Polae Enna Kavuthupotale'.

At this juncture, my music control buttons on the steering wheel are in utter pain due to my frustration.

Where I finally land on one of my favorite channels where the RJ is pretty decent, and then he opens his mouth to talk about some vague topic like, 'uh don Mind.. Its that vague' and just goes on about it.. Here you know, to become an RJ, all you need is these things..

• Quite a horrible voice and some weird accent
• Un-understandable Tamil and English
• Talent to repeat the same thing 20 times back to back by changing words like is, was, and, it etc
• Real bad sense of humour
• And ofcourse, a bad line up,of songs.,

All these planned set of attempts to kill your morning are interspersed with unbelievable set of advertisements.

Thus, the morning drive comes to an end, when u almost reach work, there is this one nice song somewhere in some channel, but you need ta park and leave!!

While i do have the choice to still switch to some music on my phone, there is this compulsive behavior, to still browse these 10 channels in the desire of finding that one good song which you might feel like hearing. Am sure all of you experience this too.
Am not blaming every person here, there are good RJs who do a great job, few nice shows in the night who play nice songs and all. Still, there remains this obnoxiously bad package of shows making us feel that this medium of communication is crap! While it is really something which reaches so many people.. The entire traffic on the road am sure are browsing through the same way as I am.
Looking for that one good song, one good piece of news, or that one good talk by an RJ.. They are still looking...
Cheers